How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
