Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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