What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
