margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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