I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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