I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
