I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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