I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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