I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
