he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
