We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
