Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
