He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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