i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
