Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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