she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
