I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
