but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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