thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
