I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
