You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is the high leading the old right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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