Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do herpes really smell.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
