he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
