Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
