I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she peed on how many people?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
