he thought i was a dude.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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