She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
