somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
