there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
