Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
