someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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