I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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