So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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