he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
