Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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