Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
