...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
