She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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