i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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