I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
