I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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