I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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