Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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