I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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