im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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