I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
