I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
