I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
