two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
