I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
