dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
