we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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