Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
