I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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