i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
