p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
