dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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