I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
