Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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