bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
