chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
