i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
