I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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