Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
