is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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