the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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