But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
