ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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