Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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