So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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