this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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