i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
