she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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