Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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