Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
