He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
